Archive | March, 2013

My Life Up Until Today…

10 Mar

So, while debating what I should blog about, I came across a short story I wrote for English at the age of 16 called “My Life Up Until Today”. I thought it would be fun to post it and tear it apart, and update it to present tense. (not that we are counting – a decade later!).

My updated thoughts and comments are in italics.

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My Life Up Until Today.

           

Ever since I was small my dream was to be old- Well, if you consider sixteen old. Now I am approaching my dream, and It’s not turning out to be what I expected. Maturity is not as fun as “Clueless” displays, independence is not as fun as “Party of Five” portrays. Life is not as I expected. So how do I view the world today? A lot different than you probably. The world through the eyes of a teen.

 Did I actually say I wanted to be old?  At 16?  No wait, Did I say 16 was old? Dear God! I’m reminded a few weeks ago when this thought crossed my mind. But seriously, I kind of miss the days of when I thought “real life” was Party of Five & Clueless. (FYI I’ve now updated “old” from 30 to 35 in light of my upcoming  birthday… haha)

            I used to wait everyday for my dad to come home with the mail. He always said “You won’t be as excited for the mail when the bills are in your name”, and I said I still would be, because it was mail! After joining a CD club and putting up with the bills, I have decided that I will prepay every bill I possibly can- before its ever put on paper.

OK two things here – first of all- paying a bill before it’s on paper? Does that sound like me? Nope! Everyone knows from the age of 17-22 I was the WORST person for paying bills. Now that I have to collect from people I think Karma’s worked its way into my life, and while I maybe don’t pay my bills before they are on paper, I do pay them right away (except for the hydro deposit that I was supposed to pay (and forgot about) before we moved into our new house – Of course Mike was the one to get the “PAY THE BILL OR WE’LL DISCONNECT YOUR SERVICE” notice, before we’d even lived in the house a week….).

– DAD: I STILL am OBSESSED with getting mail! I’ve been getting bills since my first cell phone and now I’m getting hydro, gas, phone bills, insurance bills, and that doesn’t even cover my business bills! I check the mail box hourly until the post office man comes, and I even check on weekends when I know there is no mail!  There is a slight chance that a client finally decides to pay their bill, or there might be a really good Michaels coupon in the mail… I have reconfirmed my love with mail on Wednesday last week when I received a thank-you letter from my winery with a $15.00 credit, and what I thought was a bill from our phone company was two free movie tickets!

 

            I always wanted my mom to cut me free from total dependence. Well, now I’m cut free. Living on an allowance of $20 a week, I am responsible for necessities and anything else I desire. This is not the kind of independence I meant!

$20.00 a week allowance is independence? How? I think I’d like to crawl back in time and slap the 16-year-old-Ashley for calling that independence. My Highschool Grad Plaque thing says “driven independence” and despite the whole allowance fiasco, I’ve lived that one to a T!

 

            The day I turned twelve I decided I needed a job. My parents decided I should wait until I was older, and I thank them today, because otherwise I would be sick of working! Now, barely sixteen, I have two jobs, working on a third one, and now I can only wonder in horror what it would have been like if I had started at twelve.

 Jeez again with the “16 and wiser than thou!” I’m sure at 16 I could recognize what a lifetime of working feels like. (I just know in 10 years I’m going to come back and say “Look at that 25 year old telling it like it is! She knew nothing!” 

            Which brings up pay checks. In my mind a pay check should last a person until their last pay check. So I guess that’s not always the case- The idea of having a few dollars in my account makes me crave shopping- my small, $140 dollar paycheck can easily be spend the same day as it goes into my possession.

 The old “pay-cheque to pay-cheque” thing. I think I rocked that item for a few too many years. Yea anyone can make a $140.00 paycheque last a day, but I could definitely do a $1400.00 paycheque in a few too! I have so much gratitude in this one and I think about this often… thinking  back to when I was 16, (or even thinking back to 21) that at one point “pay cheque to pay cheque” wouldn’t be part of my lifestyle and that I might actually have savings accounts (PLURAL on the accounts no less!) 

            I always tried being the mature one as a child. I remember when I was little, debating if I should play “Barbie” with my little sister, as it could ruin my maturity. I would always break down, and end up playing anyways. It took to until grade seven to actually realize I was going to have to mature, and so I did. Now I’ve matured, and decided I don’t like it. So what do I do? Well I try not to get kicked out of classes too often.

 This is funny to me because I was so worried about playing with Barbies… I spent about 2 years Nannying (at ages of 23/24) and I still watch my old employers little kids every once in a while – playing is my FAVORITE part about it! I love playing tea parties and make-believe! (16 year old me scoffs). I actually find it amusing that I said “I try not to get kicked out of classes too often.” I wonder if this is before or after my whole “can’t stay in class” epidemic…. anyways, I don’t think I tried too hard!

            So why is it that no matter how much I mature, people still treat me like a ten year old with a Barbie in my hand? What is the point of growing up until you are eighteen and the law says people have to treat you like an adult? Why is the gap between childhood and adulthood so large?

This one is funny to me too. Thinking back to being 18, 19, even 20 (maybe even a little older) and being treated like an absolute child by my parents…. because I was a child – and I was in the mentality. Canada says your an adult at 18, but the US doesn’t until you are 21, and even further, Society doesn’t until you are of that maturity.

They say “when you stop looking for love, it will find you”. I don’t know if that’s true but I can definitely see the comparison with adulthood. The more you push and demand and insist to be treated like an adult, the more you look like a child pushing to be an adult (I actually see people on Facebook doing this – the whole, lets get married and have babies and make everyone see we are ADULTS! – I always imagine them with a baby in one arm and a picket sign saying – I’m an ADULT! TREAT ME LIKE AN ADULT! ohhh I want to be an adult!).. No friends! I’m not talking about you (but seriously – did you get married and have babies so people would treat you like an adult- then YES I’m talking about you!).

Anyways, my point is, that once you stop demanding to be treated like an adult, eventually it will just happen. I often try to backtrack in my life to figure out when the point happened, that instead of my parents telling me what to do (or why what I’m doing is wrong), they now discuss, maybe suggest, and maybe occasionally keep their opinions to themselves (ie: topic: Ashley Moving to BC – seriously though – thanks for your support 😛 <3)           

             Right now trust is a big issue in my life. There are people in my class who are totally trusted by their parents. Their parents, for the most part are oblivious. They think their kids are angels who have never touched a drink, never been in trouble. These are the kids who come home six hours past curfew, smelling like booze, these are the parents who say “try harder next time”.  I have never broken curfew, never been out partying, and have kept myself out of trouble. This, apparently means nothing to my parents. They act as if I am still immature, no matter how mature I get. In my opinion, rules should be firmer for those who break them, and softer for those who spend their lives living according to the rules.

              Right now I’m curious to know which people in my highschool class were trusted by their parents… actually I’m pretty sure I remember. I’m also starting to wonder if this is supposed to be a fictional-not-about-me-for real story…. because…. Never broken curfew? never been out partying? No trouble? uh huh… I think this 16 year old needs a reality check (bitch!)

25 year old opinion? There needs to be more rules, and society needs to follow them! Also, again 16….

            I only realized recently, that everyone notices the bad stuff about you, and always remember it- even when you quit doing it. For instance,  I was once known for being a bit unbalanced. I broke bones, glass, and anything else half breakable. I haven’t broken anything for at least six months, and people still warn me when I walk past a window with a 6 foot piece of lumber in my hands! Some reputations you can never break I guess.

 I think maybe some reputations can be broken, you just have to stop doing the action that created the reputation…. ie breaking things… I think today if you called me a klutz I would actually be able to defend myself. 

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Wow, 16 year old me really needs to work on my closing remarks – I actually thought I missed a paragraph as that is very weird ending!

Oh by the way- Happy Birthday Mom – Your Birthday Present is a flashback to what it was like having a smart-mouthed teenage daughter- well not really – you now have a smart-mouthed adult daughter (I think maybe even two of them….)  ❤

 

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